After I heard this from so many people in Stratford-upon-Avon, I decided to reveal how some of the nowadays job interviews roll.
Example of interview for 2021. Visualise this:
- ...and action! Welcome to the interview, I am Rob and this is Bob and you are applying to our fantastic position of BLAH BLAH BLAH. Great to see your enthusiasm. We are paying above the minimum wage (about amazingly 4 p over), we also offer free car park, but if you upset us we might deny you access, as it is our car park, plus with a big bonus we offer free training: health, safety, hygiene, exit through the nearest fire exit and so on...what do you think?
- yes I am charmed and the offer I mean, what to say...big wow, unexpected 9 quid an hour…the training being provided for free, that’s amazing, I Mean that is much better than being compulsory made from the government to the employers to be provided.
- yeah yeah! That is just a tiny detail. Now we are just gonna roll three questions so we can analyse if you are a good fit for the position. If you agree…
- yeah! Let’s proceed. I can make up answers, the very same way you made up questions…-
- whatever…
(note: this interview been done in a bored fast forward voice tones)
- First one : if you would have to show how confident you are...how would you do that?
- haka...I would perform a naked haka...
Both of the interviewers nodded at each other.
- Interesting...continue…
- To raise the bar even higher I would perform a naked haka. If it is needed I can do it now, if you get me a chaperone... also might be a bit of a wobbly haka once I remove the spongy push up…
- Wow! Now that's what I am talking about when I say confidence...we believe that you are trustworthy. No need for demonstration.
- Second question: will you push hard when requested all the time so we can take our bonus
- Look...I am not here to discuss your bonus...beside that that is a linguistic option. Bone us or Bon us...bone us for bon us...you know?
The interviewers nodded to each other again.
- Finally the third question: if requested to do other tasks, would you be ok to help other departments? Per say...someone sick in the kitchen...can you peel potatoes?
-Definitely yes! Look man, I really need this job paid 4 p above the minimum, with free car park and free training. I can even peel potatoes wearing a fishnet and stilettos…
-Not sure if the chef would like it...but...hey! Congratulations! You got the job! When can you start?
Bluffing is a skill. Taking in bluffing is a skill. Probation periods are now even 6 months, sometimes half way through in the process of becoming a permanent employee, people might hear the “ I'm sorry...we are on different wavelengths”.
"Satire is a genre of the visual, literary, and performing arts, usually in the form of fiction and less frequently non-fiction, in which vices, follies, abuses and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, with the intent of shaming individuals, corporations, government, or society itself into improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in society.”
( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire )
This is a satire and should be treated accordingly.
Do not try any of these at home.
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